im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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