My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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