YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
