my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
