I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
