I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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