god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize