I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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