Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
