he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
