Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
