Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
