My balls are so social today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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