If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
