Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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