OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My ass is underappreciated
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
