I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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