I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize