So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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