You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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