he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
