if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
