He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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