Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
