About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
