why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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