We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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