You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
