I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
