This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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