Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
