After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
