no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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