ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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