week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
