Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
