If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
