She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
