Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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