just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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