onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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