the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
