just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
