i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
