At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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