Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
should my penis look like a turkey
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
