He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
