I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i will never coherently bang her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
