I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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