Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
