Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to fling myself into the sun
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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