Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
