Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize