your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Randomize
