You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
