Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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