I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
