Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize