so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
