I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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