Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if only i could text you this smell
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
