Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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