I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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