Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
