The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
