Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
